Want Better Sex? Communicate.

How embracing uncomfortable situations and speaking openly leads to your best sex life.

When it comes to sex- we often leave with a lot unsaid. 

Before I stepped into the role of sexuality educator, I struggled with unvoiced concerns and unexpressed desires. I bit my tongue whenever something didn't feel quite right, aiming solely to please my partner. I believed that having little to no needs was the way to be the best partner possible. But I’ve learned, through education, trial and error, that true fulfillment requires open, honest and sometimes uncomfortable communication. 

In order to have truly satisfying sexual experiences, communication is key.

This means that you articulate your needs, express your desires and voice your preferences. For example, you finally tell your situationship that he's been making out with your left labia this entire time. 

But how the fuck do we do this?

The first step lies in accepting that communication can be uncomfortable. Speaking our needs, particularly if we’ve never learned how to do it, or worse, if we've been shut down for it in the past, can be challenging. 

BUT it's precisely within this discomfort that personal growth flourishes. As a sexuality educator for adults, I often encourage my clients to embrace this space— where curiosity confronts uncertainty. (As long as it does not create anxiety.)

Exploring this in-between space by not shoving down feelings of discomfort and questioning what you might be able to learn from it, can help you get a better understanding of yourself. Your body is constantly trying to tell you things, if you are able to listen.

The next time you have a need or want or thought that feels impossible to turn into words I challenge you to get curious. What might happen if you speak freely? This ability to be open even when you feel unsure not only can help you grow but also is a key sign of feeling safe in a relationship. 

If you are not ready to practice this with another person, try it out with yourself. Challenge anything that makes you feel awkward or uncomfortable. What is it that brings up these icky feelings? Is there room for healing or work to be done? I promise you that if you can embrace the unfamiliar space of speaking your needs and listening to your body, personal growth will thrive. So, get exploring uncharted territory, empowering yourself, and nurturing relationships.

With Love,

Emily